Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.