Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.