Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.