Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'