I don't see myself as offending people.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.