My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.