My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.