As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.
Jimmy CarrI was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
Jimmy CarrMy mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
Jimmy CarrI've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.
Jimmy Carr