A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I pay what I have to and not a penny more.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.