A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.

I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

When someone close to you dies, move seats.