I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.