I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

Say what you want about the deaf.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!