I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

I don't see myself as offending people.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

I pay what I have to and not a penny more.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.