I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.

The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.