I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!