I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.