I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.