I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"