I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.