No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.
All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.
Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.