I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!