I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.