A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
Jimmy CarrAfter a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
Jimmy CarrBoxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Jimmy CarrI'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.
Jimmy Carr