My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

Say what you want about the deaf.

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.