My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.