A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.