Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.