Say what you want about the deaf.

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!