Say what you want about the deaf.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.