I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.