I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.