Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.