Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.