Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.

I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested.

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.