Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.