If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.