There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.