I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.