All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Say what you want about the deaf.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

When someone close to you dies, move seats.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!