All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.