I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

Say what you want about the deaf.

I don't see myself as offending people.