I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

How many airports are there in the world?