Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with dogs, except labradors.

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.