Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I don't see myself as offending people.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.