The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.