I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.

How many airports are there in the world?

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'.