I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I pay what I have to and not a penny more.