My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
Jimmy CarrI saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.
Jimmy CarrEven if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.
Jimmy CarrI said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.
Jimmy Carr