You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"