If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.