I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.