I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

I pay what I have to and not a penny more.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.