Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.