The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.