The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.