My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

I have to tell you that it's not going to be easy. Take every chance and every opportunity that you can. Don't say 'I can't' or 'I shouldn't' or 'I'm too tired.'

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.