I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man, we were having a perfectly lovely dinner; he looked up and me and went: You're not my wife! Another guy died during dinner. I had to go in his pocket to get the American Express card. Then you wonder: What would he tip? Another guy said: I want you to meet my family, and took me to the cemetery.

Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.