Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

Self-pity shortens your life.

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I was not an attractive child.