My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe. If you must go into the arts, go into them for yourself alone. On some basic level you must enjoy the act of doing it ... Otherwise, you are going to end up frustrated and unhappy. Recognition in the arts is luck and gravy.

All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

I love the way my life has fallen into place.

old age' is always ten years more than we are.

I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.