if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."