I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.

I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.