I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.