I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.