You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.