You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.

I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.