Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

Self-pity shortens your life.

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.