Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.