Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill.

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.