Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.

Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.