Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.

I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.

Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.