My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.