"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.