Every time I get on an airplane I figure it's gonna get blown up. You live on the edge.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe. If you must go into the arts, go into them for yourself alone. On some basic level you must enjoy the act of doing it ... Otherwise, you are going to end up frustrated and unhappy. Recognition in the arts is luck and gravy.