The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan RiversSince I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan RiversBecause I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers