Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.