You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities have that thin veneer that they will not break for you.

if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.