You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.